Wednesday, March 20, 2013

When Waterproof Mascara Truly Counts

I was putting on eye makeup this morning as the song Heavenly Days by Chely Wright came up on my Spotify thingaroo.

Now, true confession~~
I'm a lousy Chely Wright fan. The worst. I don't know her songs, I haven't finished her book, and I have zero interest in following the minutiae of her day on twitter.

I am intrigued by her unlikely-but-pivotal role in our nation's shift toward LGBT equality, but as for knowing all the words by heart? No.

And there I was with a crease brush forming a side V of amethyst smoke, very conscientiously, when the words of the song began to seep in...

Heavenly Days
So what do we do?
Dare to be different? Dare to be true?

It stung. I knew what she was singing about--all this new freedom for LGBT folks is, honestly, a bit disorienting. I have to remind myself to stop changing pronouns and stop second-guessing. Those days are behind us, but I'm not always sure how to go forward.

I went on with the mascara, placing the wand at the root of the lashes, pulling forward, jarring the wand slightly to prevent clumping.

Bury the treasure 
Like we've always done

And I knew what she meant. I've lived it; I buried that treasure for 35 years. I denied it ever existed. If I could have buried it further, I would have. My eyes began to leak, which is problematic when applying mascara.

We'll crawl from the wreckage
And walk in the sun

And that was it--open the floodgates, she's having a moment. The sadness, the regret, the shame and knowing I never have to go back. Ever. It's over. 

I let myself sob black streaks of Maybelline Great Lash down my face. 

It's your Father's plan
For your mother's child
And it's coming in waves 
Heavenly Days

Waves indeed. It took a while for all the waves to hit, and another while to clean up the mess. I ended up washing it all off and starting over fresh--this time with the L'Oreal Double Extend Waterproof.

By the way, I see I'm not the first woman to cry through this song: